Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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