nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize