who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
