The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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