this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
