i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
