Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
