Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
