i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
