It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
