He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
