i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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