one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
high people should be assigned attendants
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
