How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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