At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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