Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
