we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
