Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
