Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
