I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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