i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The feeling are messing with the penis
i now understand why vodka
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
