please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
