I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
