return my video game
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
