It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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