I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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