If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize