i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am midnight drunk by noon
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
