conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
