it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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