Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
