i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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