I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
