I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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