i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
