the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He did a backflip because drugs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
