if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
