That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am spending my child support on dildos
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
