are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
