The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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