Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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