Christians are straight up FREAKS
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
