did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
