The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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