I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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