sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
