So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
operation harelip BJ is a go
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
