That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
