she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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