Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
