Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news, I just burned my penis
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
