I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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