every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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