They should really pass out barf bags in church
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
