I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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