There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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