i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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