you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
