Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize