I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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