She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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