so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize