I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
PANTIES FOUND
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
