also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize