Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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