this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
