How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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