I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
