ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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