youre lurking in front of me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
