I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
