I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
