So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize