I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sober January is a disaster.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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