Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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