There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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