I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
