Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
