There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
