last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
