found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
