i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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