Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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