I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
