Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize