I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
