i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
