Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
