We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
