I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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