I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
