At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
