She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
